MODEL
My approach to working with couples, whether in groups or individually, is grounded deeply in the work that was created by Dr. Harville Hendrix, author of the internationally acclaimed book entitled: Getting the Love You Want. I also draw from the work of several other professionals such as Dr. John Gottman, esteemed researcher on relationship issues; and Dr. Daniel Siegel, interpersonal neurobiologist.
Individual therapy, counseling sessions with couples are usually done in 50 or 75 minute sessions. Occasionally longer sessions are scheduled in order to "go deeper" into the issues that are being dealt with.
It is my experience that individual counseling and group therapy each provide a great deal of value in and of themselves. There are elements in either approach that serve certain individual needs of every couple. I have found that when couples do some combination of couples work, individual psychotherapy, and group couples work, their progress proceeds at a quicker pace and has a much more profound impact on the lasting effect of the therapy itself.
All of our individual and group work is based on several primary principles:
- When individuals select each other as partners in a marriage or committed relationship, they do so from an unconscious agenda to complete the work of childhood. Most parents are unable to meet all of the natural needs of their children. In courtship, blooming adults are seeking a partner who is felt to be perfectly qualified to fulfill those unmet needs.
- When the ecstasy of romantic love inevitably subsides, a kind of struggle emerges between two people who live in "different worlds" i.e. different belief systems. Each partner is striving for fulfillment and completion, and it is natural to seek that satisfaction in intimate, committed relationships. Brain science has recently proven that our neurological system is literally shaped and formed out of our experiences during childhood. The completion and continual evolution of that system, namely our brains and thus our minds, depends upon our ongoing experiences with the primary people in our lives.
- In order to accomplish this completion and fulfillment through our relationships, we need to have specific skills and a commitment to the challenges of bridging our different "worlds" in a way that is non-critical, compassionate, and cooperative. We cannot accomplish this task without the foundation of a deep friendship.
