constantly evolving"
Our approach to working with couples is grounded deeply in the work that was created by Dr. Harville Hendrix, author of the internationally acclaimed book entitled: Getting The Love You Want. We also draw from the work of other professionals such as Dr. John Gottman, esteemed researcher on relationship issues; and Dr. Daniel Siegel, interpersonal neurobiologist.
In addition to seeing couples individually for fifty or seventy-five minute sessions each week, we have come to appreciate the value of offering occasional eight hour sessions to couples who can benefit from a deeper, extended experience.
Over the more than 15 years that we have been working with couples, we have come to believe that the most effective learning comes in the form of the two-day Getting The Love You Want workshop. Couples have often expressed to us their discomfort about sharing and working with their personal issues in a group setting. While we are sympathetic with these feelings, it is our belief that the group experience moves couples toward positive change in a way that individual work does not accomplish as quickly.
All of our individual and group work is based on several primary principles:
- When individuals select each other as partners in a marriage or committed relationship, they do so from an unconscious agenda to complete the work of childhood. Most parents are unable to meet all of the natural needs of their children. In courtship, blooming adults are seeking a partner who is felt to be perfectly qualified to fulfill those unmet needs.
- When the ecstasy of romantic love inevitably subsides, a kind of struggle emerges between two people who live in "different worlds." Each partner is striving for fulfillment and completion, and it is natural to seek that satisfaction in intimate, committed relationships. Brain science has recently proven that our neurological system is literally shaped and formed out of our experiences during childhood. The completion and continual evolution of that system, our brains and thus our minds, depends upon our ongoing experiences with the primary people in our lives.
- In order to accomplish this completion and fulfillment through our relationships, we need to have specific skills and a commitment to the challenges of bridging our different “worlds” in a way that is non-critical, compassionate, and cooperative. We cannot accomplish this task without the foundation of a deep friendship.
